PosterNutbag

I can not even believe how this week has flown by! and worse: i have little to nothing to show for it (well, i do have a headache, does that count?)

tonight, among other things, we are hosting a dinner swap. certainly the whole concept is (a) not an original idea and (b) deserving of a better name. basically the whole thing is to have a couple bring an appetizer, a couple bring a dessert, and a couple host the evening at their abode complete with the serving of the main course. the first of these dinners was held at a dear friend's house and included more food than you could shake a stick at as well as linen napkins, candles, & champagne. my dinner won't be nearly as fancy as not only do i not have a clean house, but i also do not have the fixin's for fancy ordeal. (think: moe's family feedbag, complete with the dank) at the moment, i am not even sure where guests will sit-- as i have only four chairs and a smallish table. *sigh* the menu will include my famous stuffed shells (which, incidentally, are not at all famous), salad, and garlic bread. i am headed home now to tackle the speed-cleaning effort and begin cooking. wine will be opened immediately to aid with this process.

aside from the eating, there will also be debate watching, followed by daily show comments. even better will be the debate drinking game! our last dinner swap coincided with dubbya's speech at the rnc and we were able to incorporate a grrreat amount of drinking into his speech (a drink for every camera cut to a black person, mention of the keywords "terrorist" "9/11", etc.. etc...). needlesstosay, i was not allowed behind the wheel upon departure from the friend's house. what with the no-driving, tonight should be even better. (let's just hope Kerry removes the stick from his ass prior to taking the stage)

alright--- preparations must begin asap.

on this day the second wedding anniversary is celebrated. and so i present to you, the most rotten of my traits.

~i am impatient.
~if you send me to the movie store, i will undoubtedly come back with the weirdest of weird movies and make you watch them.
~i have many many MANY obsessions.
~i can not be surprised, as i am too anxiety ridden to deal with the spontaneous nature of surprises (plus i'm kin to judge judy in my line of questioning).
~i rarely clean house, yet complain daily about how messy it is.
~i am a creature of habit- rendering me almost useless when asked to do something outside my box of familiarity.
~i am always telling the man how to drive and how to cook.
~i will only listen to music that i am in the mood for--- and i get stuck listening to either the same band or the same sound continuously.
~i spend too much time online.
~i can only cook, like, 4 dishes.
~i am a consumer at heart.
~i always think that people hate me--- and if i learn that maybe they do not, i remark "well they just don't know me very well".
~i talk with my hands-- flailing them about in an expressive nature to make my point.
~sometimes--- and always just to annoy--- i say "aye aye captain" to the man (he hates it).

in my hole of an office i get only one radio station: Z104. bleck! sometimes i think i'd rather listen to nothing than this brand of pop garbage, but then my favorite commercial comes on and i remember why i listen. you see, there's a new movement sweeping my airwaves. jews for jesus. why does this crack me up? i'm just not sure. maybe it's the alliteration or maybe its the absurdity... for whatever reason, this commercial brings a smile to my face like no other!

these days i am doing as little work as possible at the office. call me lazy. call me disinterested. call me a slacker. it's all true. on the other hand, i'd say: call me smart. if my schools are happy, if my bosses are happy, if my clients are not in crisis what more is there for me to do? and as "support staff" i feel like i am totally fulfilling my duties. to that end, i came in late this morning and plan to start my weekend all early-like. rock-n-roll.

and speaking of doing just a little bit of work....... the man passed over this link via officemate and i had to share. black people love us. ahhhhh, the inappropriate humor- gotta love it!

so.... my mom called this evening to tell me a number of things that she had undoubtedly written down on paper so as not to forget (mind you, we talk almost daily). most importantly, she called to tell me about cat stevens who was just denied entry into the US due to alleged ties with terrorists. ummm... i'm sorry... eh?!... now, seriously.... come on people!

and not to turn this into news central.... but.... amongst other public apologies of late, Evangelist Jimmy Swaggart apologized today for saying that he would kill any gay man who looked at him romantically. his quote on the gay topic, the article went on, was actually "if one ever looks at me like that, I'm going to kill him and tell God he died". of course he meant that jokingly, because, he explains, "You can't lie to God — it's ridiculous". indeed!... in fact, i call riDONKulous on the whole thing!

elsewhere... discovery health channel was airing a documentary tonight called Trash Can of Skin.... yea, that's right---- it's a special about a british woman having 35lbs. of fat & skin removed. heartwarming.

meh. I totally missed out on the plastic containers gig this past friday due to the crazy weather. in hindsight, the show was completely attendable minus a little discomfort in the form of rain... however at the time, tornados were rampant across "my immediate viewing area" or so the reports went. not to downplay the occurrence of any tornadic activity-- 'cause some of the destruction reports were triple X threat.

and speaking of the weather, it is mondo chilly in the AM these days. this morning, both the kitten and i found it next to impossible to peel ourselves out from under the covers. while, the chilly air makes the sleepin' good and satisfying, it makes the gettin' up even more laborious.... if i wasn't feeling so lazy, i'd break out the flannel sheets...

all-n-all it was a fairly uneventful weekend. one exception: saturday morning i got up all early-like with this chick and got some tickets for the local pixies show in dec. out of sheer luck, we ended up with THIRD ROW tickets! it's all very exciting. i've not ever had the occasion to be so close and the whole idea makes me feel like a rock star.

seems there's not much else to report. my work week is filled with pointless trainings and dull dull dull meetings, broken up only by the sporadic client contact i will have via home-visits. aaaaahh, to be a social worker; doing for the people.

so my dear friends, i am wondering if you have heard of this whole dr. phil tom-foolery. It seems the good "doctor" is taking over a town in texas ("anywhere, usa") and trying to solve all their social problems during the fall programming season.....Phillip Calvin McGraw was on larry king live the other night and i was able to get a taste of the season premier in which the doc made his way onto stage surrounded by a gaggle of kids, sporting a britney-spears-style head mic, in pure motivational speaker fashion. oooooh and did i mention that the stage was erected on the town's new football field? only in america! join me in making fun of the good doc and check out these great soundboards.

in other news, one of my fav bands, the plastic containers, is set to play the grog & tankard in ye ol' georgetown this friday. i'll be there rockin' down and you should come too. the g&t exemplifies everything that's good in a club-- complete with some sweet skankiness! those boys are the bee's knees and def worth the $7 cover. **cool-ass flash promo created by this dude and totally stolen by me**

word!

hi. hello. g'morning. happy monday. another freakin' week of work-- ain't life grand? well, i hope yous all had a fun, exciting weekend. mine was so-so.... didnt do much, but that was kinda by choice. seems i was supposed to be out-of-town staying with the family down in suffolk, va (the armpit of va) but ended up with a free ticket out of the "visiting" and couldn't have been happier. thus my weekend was home-alone time, filled with no schedule--- and included much tv and computer time.

first and foremost, let me mention, i added 2 new cartoons with violence and excellent sarcastic appeal to my repetoire. thank you cartoon network (and pman for insisting)! the first is Megasxlr, which combines giant robots, violence, and good fun. next, and best, perhaps, is another fine adult swim show: venture brothers. unfortunately for me, this show is scheduled for sunday nights 12:30am and saturdays at 11pm. after weeks of missing it, i made myself watch on saturday and was not sorry.

coming in a close second for new tvland adventures is vh1's surreal life. "The third season cast includes Full House nice guy Dave Coulier, Public Enemy rapper and hip-hop jester Flavor Flav, former-New Kid On The Block Jordan Knight, Red Sonja star and ex-Mrs. Sylvester Stallone Brigitte Nielsen, American Idol runner-up Ryan Starr and Mrs. "Cuchi Cuchi" herself, Charo," sums up the vh1 webpage. let me just say, flava flav is quite the character and his budding romantic (?) relationship with the amazon beaut brigitte could be its own reality show-- straight-up newlywed style. watch and smile.

if you are reading this post, then you are already on a higher plane of coolness, and perhaps, you already know of what i am about to present. the new wes anderson film due out this christmas. the life aquatic with Steve Zissou. bill murray. owen wilson. willem defoe.

longer download, better quality here

in an effort to up my coolness just one more degree (as if that were even possible-- cause, you know, i go to 11), i decided i should incorporate some southern colloquialisms into my daily speech. you know, embrace my Tennessee heritage; get on level with my fellow amer'can.... lately, i have been incorporating all sorts of handy, smirk-provoking expressions into conversations. just last week, i exclaimed candidly "boy, we sure are brushing off the hot seat for this mom" (seems she was causing the school all sorts of problems). finding practical application for my new phrase (all praise to patrick) brought a big-ole grin to my face.

seems my grandmother is queen of the sayin's. she comes up with some doozies! once, while putting together a puzzle, she muttered, "wellllll, shoot! that's crooked'r than a dog's hind leg!" i have always found humor in her sayings---- don't get me wrong, "naked as a jay-bird" has always been part of my speech (somehow that one seemed normal to me)---- but she truly has some interesting ones. "hotter than a fried fritter" being one, "that's a bout as useful as a trap door on a canoe" being another. and then there's any insulting statement followed by "bless her/his heart". somehow, it just makes it all better.

it's easy for me to see how i'm going to incorporate such phrases as "ain't that berries!" or "don't make me take you to fist city" .... however, things like "we howdied but we ain't shook yet" or "she's about as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party" present to be more challenging.

all-n-all, i find it best when the person is least suspecting the quirky saying, and i e'specially recommend this for business meetings or other professional encounters. (now, i'm not talking about dropping things like "nonjeffersonian quality-directed marcom effort" here.. i'm talking full-fledge "That bossman is tighter than bark on a tree! i ain't getting no raise") clearly it is the only way...... plus i think it speaks loud of your personality.

Happy Tuesday!

the past few days have been frustratingly filled with helping a client get her electricity back on. i wont get into the details, but damnit i have logged close to 6hours dealing with just this issue. the good news is: electric's back on as of this afternoon. mainly because i rock. but you SO knew that already.

anyhow, what i'm trying to get to is that in trying to raise the moulah necessary, i have been speaking with a lot of churches and church groups (maybe religion is good for something? *debatable*) ..... and well, i met this missionary guy from Hungary. GODDAMN he's cute! i found myself in his office, thinking some very impure thoughts, straight-up frankenblog style. i think that is a straight ticket to HELL, don't you?

according to the smoking gun and stamps.com you can now make your own personalized stamps. and that is just so fucking cool! the smoking gun, of course, had loads of fun seeing just what stamp pics would be approved by the stamps.com people, and surprisingly things like Monica Lewinsky's dress, stained with presidential DNA and New Jersey Governor James McGreevey and alleged gay lover Golan Cipel were given the go-ahead. their article sheds more light on the objectionable vs. un-objectionable stamp material and will inspire at least a chuckle.

in other news, i had my own little blunder this past weekend where i proved just how little i know about music genres. seated at my 4th or 5th Wolftrap BBKing concert, the man and i were reviewing all the opening acts we had seen at past shows... you know, passing time and all. he reminded me of a year when jeff beck played and i couldn't get it straight in my head just who jeff beck was/is. the man explained that jb played a particularly annoying brand of prog rock and i was even more confused. "prog!?" the man went on to name rush as another prog rock legend who i equally dislike. my response, "i thought rush was from canada!?"