PosterNutbag

2007-06-04T19:42:00.000-05:00

Yea, so I have nothing to say, but I just had to update with a new kid pic.

that's right bitches, i'm here

2006-09-10T11:45:00.000-05:00

2006-06-27T20:16:00.000-05:00

dropped my cell the other day and it broke in two. a nice break too-- complete with protruding wires and ribbons. instead of parting with the lifeline for two-four weeks while it was undergoing repair (seems i had no insurance policy) i decided to suck it up and get a new phone. and boy i'm glad i did. the new phone rocks. it's all sleek and new looking. but the real bonus: it has this cute little smiley face guy that winks at me when i complete a task such as add a contact or send a text. brings me such pleasure. i could play with it all day.

more than they bargained for

2006-06-16T19:24:00.000-05:00

i've just returned from the annual spring vaca to the green mountain state. t'was a refreshing, lazy trip that consisted of good music, sleep, & ben & jerry's ice cream.

whilst away, the man and i employed two sets of folk to look in on our two very-spoiled felines. cats, of course, need little in the way of human care-- our real concern was their loneliness. so our friends and family obliged, alternating days to stop by and give the cats a hello. in addition to the indoor beasts, a stray kitty has adopted our household and can be found milling about day or night meowing at the sight of anyone who may possess food. seems our absence alarmed her so she decided a gift may lure us back home. a gift discovered, of course, by our "lucky" friends. upon spotting the dead bird, the friends left a brief but clever note for the next shift of caretakers. the note simply stated, "everything here looks ok. there are definitly no dead birds."

ps. anyone want to adopt a very cute, very lonely stray kitty? she's a heartbreaker.

... it's a BOY...

2006-05-18T22:33:00.000-05:00

after lots of discussion--- in which the words "i put my foot down" were thrown out from both sides--- the man and i decided to find out the unborn's gender. i couldn't be more pleased as now i can pick a damn bedding set that i like. (it has dump trucks-- how freakin' adorable!)

yup

2006-05-07T21:33:00.000-05:00

so it's been a riDONKulously long time and i really have little to show for it in the way of interesting stuff to say. here is an update nonetheless.(i dunno about you guys but i will be thrilled to not have to listen to all the "fuck"s the scarface synopsis has to offer each and every time i load my page)

moved into the new digs a couple of weeks ago. i've been procrastinating like mad with the unpacking. thanks to added space, i have easily stashed boxes in various rooms and then avoided said rooms. it's worked out marvelously. i suppose one of these days i'll get around to actually figuring out where to put shit. i've also found that not having the luxury of built-in bookcases and shelving units makes for a perfect excuse to do some shopping. so far, i have purchased a couple of rugs, some curtains, various irresistible baby clothes, and some new pillows. note: no needed bookcases or shelves. hah. more shopping.

in other news, i loathe people who wave you on at stop signs. particularly when it was your turn anyway. perhaps they get some sort of esteem from unnecessarily directing traffic flow? stupid bastards.

these tshirts are such good stuff

2006-04-21T21:25:00.000-05:00

busy bee

2006-03-27T21:35:00.000-05:00

the man and i bought a house-- or rather are knee deep in the process. friday it all becomes very official. instead of packing, i'd like to torch our current set of belongings. i really can't think of anything much i'd miss. but, as the man is quick to point out, that all seems a bit overdramatic.

the job is ending soon-- thanks to the lovely nature of grant-funded programming. not sure if it'll get picked up for another go-'round-- it's a possibility. no one seems to know how it's all going to go down. in any case, i'm not looking for another job. fuck that. i'm through worrying about the work situation.

plus, i have yet to say this here, but i am "with child." pure madness. so of course i've been spending plenty of time daydreaming about crib-sets, strollers, and car seats. ooh--- and i've been retching a bit too.

so, yea.... there's the scoop. you're basically caught up.

clever summation*

2006-03-16T21:41:00.002-05:00

Wimp.com
*nsfw

bah!

2006-02-24T21:43:00.000-05:00

lately i've been getting no love from my job. clients and colleagues seem to have joined forces to sabotage my every effort. really makes for some satisfying weekdays. furthermore, my liberal opinions regarding the value of social programs has taken a sharp turn towards conservatism. never in my life have I felt like screaming "get a job" with such fervor. damn those bastards for making a bitter cynic out of me.

in other news, the man and i have been house hunting. another depressing life venture. you just can not fathom real estate prices. either we will be signing a pact with the devil or i will have to start working the corner. (win-win huh?) on a lighter note, it is really quite amusing to see how poorly others decorate their homes.

*sigh* well.... the weekend's here, have a beer! (plus a couple of extras for me please)

happy late vd

2006-02-16T21:30:00.000-05:00

a few days ago it was one of those lame, made up "holidays." you know the one i speak of: valentine's day. the flowers, chocolate hearts, diamond heart necklaces, the pink & red--- all a bit nauseating. to me, at least. i'm not much for the sappy. (but if you are, all the best, hope you had a great one.)

this valentine's day i did my best to visit a couple of my favorite elementary schools and take in all the holiday had to offer. school staff had on their red & pink clothing-- complete with heart-covered vests and embroidered denim shirts. (it was quite a fashion show.) and of course, all the schools had valentine's day parties for the kiddies. it was fun to watch the exchange of cards and cupcakes, and soak up the excitement of naive "love" in the air.

even better was watching the teachers walking through the halls with their single red roses, carnation bouquets, and boxes of conversation sugar-hearts gifted to them by their various students. the best, though, came at the end of the day when the teachers were comparing cards and gifts in the front office. seems one 2nd grade teacher was given..... red mesh panties.

now, that's classy!

nightmare.

2006-02-13T19:11:00.000-05:00

some time ago, whilst i was in college, the man and i decided we needed to view tim burton's the nightmare before christmas once again. he mentioned this need in passing to some guy he was sorta friends with and the guy got all excited. seems he adored the movie and soon he was invited over for a viewing. the guy was nice enough-- one of those beard-clad, jam-band listening, granola types-- a bit awkward, but at 21 who isn't? after introductions, we chatted a bit and commenced to watch the flick.

throughout the first half hour the guy would recite several key lines, obviously amused by different scenes. his enthusiasm was kinda cute. but soon, this cuteness wore off. the guy began to speak continuously with the characters-- going so far as to mimic their voices. every word they said, he said. and then came the singing. this guy was totally immersed in his own world of the nightmare before christmas. needless to say, i was soon hoping for the movie to end. a solid hour plus of the guy recreating the movie in our living room was more than i could take.

whata weirdo. it's one thing to recite particularly humorous or meaningful scenes, but this is one step away from a straightjacket.

so true.

2006-02-07T22:20:00.000-05:00

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
2. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
3. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
4. There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
5. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
6. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the
information he wants.
7. Who let the dogs out? Chuck Norris.
8. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are
trademarked names for his left and right legs.
9. Chuck Norris’ 5 o’clock shadow appears yesterday.
10. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
11. Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

ironic

2006-02-01T18:06:00.000-05:00

i recently got a work email requesting that everyone clean out their mailboxes due to the cluttering of the server. best of all, the email blatantly drew attention to the fact that many employees with email accounts never in fact check their mail due to limited computer access and that really, these were the culprits of the cluttered system. seems like an email alert is missing the mark completely....... *shrugs* it did make me laugh aloud.

and also, i know i'm a little late to the game but lately i can't stop playing sudoku. unfortunately i'm fairly dreadful at it. i blame my cats and their ever-so distracting cuteness.

2006-01-26T22:01:00.000-05:00

every wednesday we have a morning meeting at one of the schools i cover, complete with breakfast goodies. each week a different team member volunteers to do the catering. we're not talking bagels and cream cheese either-- people go all out, providing a well-balanced array of items. it's generally quite a spread. i imagine all sorts of interpersonal competitions play into the morning menu----- and don't get me started on the staff hierarchy.

i rarely partake in the food. this is partially because i dislike quiche (oddly enough, this seems to be the signature item). and partially because i feel guilty for not, myself, contributing to the catering rotation--- not guilty enough, mind you, to start bringing food. mostly i don't want to be "one of THOSE people"-- stacking plate full week after week and never producing any foods to share. occasionally i do find myself nibbling on the doughnut holes or sneaking a few grapes as others converse. notice: i don't leave a food trail. totally purposeful. less conspicuous.

so, one of the team members totally annoys me and, of course, she always sits across from me. she's a nice enough gal, it's just that i hate to watch her eat. she does this strange thing. with each bite, she places her hand under her mouth. what's strange about that, you ask. seems, her crumb catching hand is not palm up, poised to collect any stray bits o'breakfast that crumble off with each bite. instead her hand is palm down such that anything would just roll off into her lap anyhow. i mean, really.

i've always balked at inefficiency.

gah.

2006-01-26T11:31:00.000-05:00

work blows!

death pool 2006

2006-01-17T22:28:00.000-05:00

so this guy hosts a death pool each year-- really it's good stuff. despite my poor showing last year, i decided to participate yet again. there is something so satisfying about predicting the upcoming deaths of the famous. below is my list:

dick clark
robert downey jr
oprah winfrey
dick cheny
bob barker
larry flynt
robert redford
mike wallace
jerry lewis
michael j fox
pat o'brien
hugh hefner
nancy reagan
50 cent
clint eastwood
terry hatcher
mick fleetwood
tina turner
jesse jackson
russell crowe

crap!

2006-01-13T17:38:00.000-05:00

so far i've gotten through this friday the 13th unscathed. it was a rough work day but i shouldn't complain. it's almost always a rough work day-- i am a damn social worker. plus now i am now home and ringing in the 3-day weekend. good stuff. in even better news, my jersey friend is en route to spend friday-sunday entertaining me. sure, now i have to do some light cleaning and wash some sheets, but procrastination always solves those dilemmas. besides she's been in my filth many a-time. my biggest stress: i am completely unprepared for the holiday gift exchange that will no doubt occur first thing. seems i purchased a partial gift for her this christmas-- clearly not enough of a gift to be handing over to what is the best friend. her eta is a mere hour from now, so there is no time for shopping (damn small towns). shhh, don't tell, but it seems i'll be scrounging around the house to find something to supplement... oooh woe is me.

well, you should know that my birthday was a great time. rock-n-roll supplied by the hotties that are the plastic containers made it all worthwhile, as did all the well-wishers. thanks a million boys and girls.

you should also know that i can't stop listening to these local rockers . certainly worth a moment of your time.

that's right. i'm just a little bit older.

2006-01-07T17:18:00.000-05:00

reunion-reSHMunion

2006-01-05T16:44:00.000-05:00

tuesday i spent the better part of my work day training the "new girl." turns out i knew the chick. she went to my high school. graduating a mere year before i did, she and i ran in similar circles. luckily she didn't recall what i was like in those years of my life. i realized this quickly because she was actually excited to see me and catch up. i, on the other hand, thought it a complete groaner to spend the day comparing notes on who was where, doing what. what the hell do i care? those people are dead to me now.... i'm not all crabby patty though, and i must admit, she was quite nice. as much as i tried not to, i found myself actually enjoying talking with her as the day progressed. what can i say, i'm a softie.

go ahead 2006:

2006-01-01T22:15:00.000-05:00

BRING IT!

highlights

2005-12-30T22:45:00.000-05:00

seems fitting, at this time especially, to reflect back on the year past. consider this list my '05 tribute.

a new kitten
a collection of uber-witty pirate jokes
a best friend who's now 30
tivo
kick ass socks (including but not limited to the skull socks)
several weddings
promising job growth
a short lived but adored nose-ring
the expression "don't make me put the brakes on you"
at least 3 new babies
appreciation for ass-kicking music
a cruise including 3 new-to-me travel destinations
various clever t-shirts
friday happy hour
hockey (yay!)

wrapping paper and bows.

2005-12-26T21:02:00.000-05:00

well, christmas was a success. no injuries, at least. a few laughs even. ate lots of food-- including me mum's mac & cheese-- and gave/recieved tons o'gifts. i got my pirate tee (amongst other equally kick ass tees) ! i couldn't be more pleased! plus some massive card games were played. in a surprise twist, i came up the big loser. :P

so i have off work til jan 3rd. (go ahead with your jealousy) it's a sweet deal! i'm desperately trying to appreciate every day of it.

tomorrow the whole fam is traveling caravan-style to the volunteer state to visit the grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins... i'm less than thrilled about the trip, but i will try my best to enjoy. tennessee always does weird things to me. luckily it's just a quick trip. i'll be back before you say "boo".

anyhow, still trying to iron out new year's eve plans. i hate new year's eve. always turns out so lame and anti-climatic. i think i may just lock the doors and take some tylenol pm. bah. i shan't do that, but i may opt for some low-key activities.

welp. hope yours was great and such. get anything good? and what are YOU doing for new year's eve?

2005-12-20T21:04:00.000-05:00

the holidays are quickly approaching and i am feeling a little bah humbug. apparently i need the three christmas ghosts to pay me a visit. i am unenthused about the gifts i have purchased for family & friends this year. i haven't even bothered to wrap them yet (an activity i usually adore). plus i have countless cards that won't make it in time. i did, however, bake some kick ass cookies-- which, might i add, have left me with a belly-ache 2 nights in a row (damn yummy cookies).

so i broke down and ordered my skull socks. i couldn't help myself. fuck waiting for christmas. besides, i needed them to wear to the hardcore show i attended this saturday past. and wear them i did! they were perfect. i fit right in amongst the bullet-belts, black leather pants, combat-style boots, and wristcuffs full of spikes. it was a beautiful thing. plus the bands were ok. (------------and by ok, i mean rockin')

conversation with my poppop (at least he's got his humor)

2005-12-12T18:14:00.000-05:00

pp: so someone called today while i was taking a nap.. woke me up.
me: yea.... i hate that.
pp: i didn't know who it was.
(pause)
pp: i kept saying "who is this?" and they kept answering and i kept saying "who is this?"
me: hm...
pp: i didn't recognize the name. i kept asking "and WHO is that?"
me: gosh, poppop, who was it?
pp: *chuckle* your cousin.
me: wow. poppop, sounds like you were disoriented- just waking up...... i think that would have scared me.
pp: yea, i bet he was thinking "uh-oh, better get the suit to the cleaners."

christmas wish list

2005-12-07T21:17:00.000-05:00

despair- such truth
elvis duck
ninja launcher- to keep at my desk
it's a magnet- :P
pirate tee- for nights out on the town
avenging unicorn set - thanks poppy

skull socks- everyone needs a pair
the shocker poster- just cause
bumper sticker

dear area weathermen

2005-12-05T21:16:00.000-05:00

i loathe you and your illegitimate claims at forecasting.

for two days i have been forced to bare the media frenzy of snow-related news items brought on by your shoddy reports. local coverage has included: selling trends in snow shovels at area stores, how to recognize hypothermia signs amongst the growing elderly population, at-home holiday projects to do with the kiddies, and graph charts illustrating record snowfall amounts/temperatures over the past 20 years. interviews of salt-truck drivers flood the airwaves.

it's enough to drive a girl mad.

everywhere i've been today people have been talking about the weather. each phone call i recieved began with, "ready for this snow?" or "boy, it's cold out there." even my waiter at lunch interogated me for current weather observations. as i left work my boss yelled down the hall, "i hope you are taking paperwork home-- just in case."

the anticipation is relentless.

so, you weathermen bastards, i ask you this: WHERE IS THIS SNOW you've been speaking of?!?!? WHERE?!?! ....................................................................................................................................................... it's not coming, is it?

enjoy

2005-11-30T22:08:00.000-05:00

i'm a damn sucker for 'puter mini-golf. this christmas one is as good as it gets. turn on the sound for some excellent crowd-clapping. it's very encouraging. plus, i like to choose from their "client themed putters." i can't tell you how many times i've played for team hooters-- although occasionally i putt for badcocks furniture. depends on my mood.

big pimping, spending g's

2005-11-29T20:53:00.000-05:00

You know I - thug em, fuck em, love em, leave em
Cause I don't fuckin need em

Take em out the hood, keep em lookin good
But I don't fuckin feed em

First time they fuss I'm breezin
Talkin bout, "What's the reasons?"

I'm a pimp in every sense of the word, bitch
Better trust than believe em

i heart the holidays*

2005-11-27T19:24:00.000-05:00

*this deserved a good edit for clarity. pardon the clean-up.

so.... the man and i are sitting, watching tv at the family's house over the holiday weekend. a particularly annoying christmas commercial comes on hocking fine jewlery as santa's choice gift for his mrs. (sidenote: i hate the stereotype that women crave fine jewlery. it's just not true.) commercial's conclusion: mrs. claus
kisses santa. the following conversation ensues, shown here as recorded by the BIL.

“What, no tongue?”
“She’s Mrs. Claus.”
“You know she’s freaky, she’s got all those midgets running around.”
“What the elves?”
“Yeah, I bet one night a year, she likes to get a little midget elf
love.”
“One night?”
“Yeah, while Santa’s delivering packages. Mrs. Claus is getting
packages of her own. I bet once she gets a taste of a little cock,
it turns into an elf gang bang.”
“That would make a great porn.”
“Wow, you are a sick pervert, talking about an elf gang bang.”
“You’re the one who said.”
“Stop trying to blame me perv.”

2005-11-22T22:32:00.000-05:00

the folks are hounding me for a christmas list. problem is, i can think of nothing. does that mean i am old?

elitist pig

2005-11-14T22:38:00.000-05:00

the mom is tweaking about thanksgiving plans. i spent an hour tonight on the phone hashing out the pros/cons and all possible outcomes for each dinner possibility. it was exhausting. even worse, i can guarantee we will be having the same discussion at least once more prior to turkey day. oooh, to be a mom and care so much about what everyone thinks. refreshing really.

in other tragic news, i took my nose thingie out for a good, thorough cleaning this weekend and have not been successful with stud reentry. mostly, i just caused myself a lot of pain and headache, as well as a nice infection. the cunt at the tat shop says i'll have to repierce it. makes sense, really, but annoys me nonetheless. when i remarked that i had made a stupid move by taking it out, she quipped back, "not stupid, just highly uneducated." pfft to her.

been doing the whole happy hour thing with some work people on fridays. (following "the shocker" incident, i've been accepted into the inner circle) this friday i ran into an old high school friend. in this smallish town, that happens frequently-ish. what made this time different was i actually did the approach. still, we had that awkward "whatcha been doin'" conversation and it was after some unsettling silences, that we decided to exchange cell phone numbers. we then agreed that we would never call each other. gosh, it was good to see him.

i'm SO 21st Century

2005-11-10T23:34:00.000-05:00

i "lost" my cell phone today. it was tragic. all day i pictured it crushed on the street somewhere, or worse: stolen and used. i pictured myself having to call the phone company and get a replacement. i whined about not having an insurance plan. i spent significant time, mourning for all the phone numbers that would be lost. then, i imagined what it might be like to not have a cell phone for a few days-- maybe a week-- while they sent me my new one. it was a heartbreaking day.

........................................ luckily. i returned home to find my beloved phone on the counter. crisis averted.

lookie there..

2005-11-07T22:26:00.000-05:00

me as a party guest

2005-11-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

the friday past i tagged along to a co-worker's party---- and the preparty happy hour. i knew about 3 people out of the 30 there. at first i wasn't going to go but then i succumbed to peer pressure and promises of booze. i made friends fast thanks to the following series of events.

so, this chick at the party broke her ring finger as a child. i suppose it was never set right cause she couldn't straighten it out. all night i'd see her waving at people ring finger bent, thumb sorta cocked. bitch was giving everybody the shocker. i drank some more and decided i should call her on it. but apparently these elementary school teachers weren't aware and i was probed for a definition. i leaned in and gave the best def i know, "two in the pink, one in the stink."

aaaahhh. whata night. i just can't wait to flash the shocker on the DL in my next meeting with them.

happy halloween bitches

2005-10-30T21:14:00.000-05:00

in honor of october 31st, i offer you this clever antic:

what's the difference between girl ghosts and boy ghosts?
BOO-bies

god bless oreo cookies

2005-10-26T23:12:00.000-05:00

crazy-ass week. work's been full of new clients, long hours, crisis, and spanish. tomorrow i even get to attend a funeral..... a real barrel of laughs. i'm s.h.i.t. (so happy it's thursday). total s.h.i.t.

halloween is approaching. way too quickly. i have yet to purchase a costume, although i have it all set in my mind. and this year, for whatever reason, i feel committed to my character. my fingers are crossed that it'll all come off without too much time, effort, &/or money. i'll keep you posted.

meanwhile it is freezing out and i have been postponing turning on the heat. why? i don't rightly know. why have i been suffering night after night? i don't have the answers. for these questions and so many more. accordingly, the heat has been switched on.

hmm...

yay!

2005-10-24T20:53:00.000-05:00

i do NOT have jury duty tomorrow, as previously scheduled and i couldn't be more delighted! furthermore, i may not *fingers crossed* get called for any other trials! wewt-wewt!! i just did a jig of happiness!

a little hate

2005-10-22T22:52:00.000-05:00

i've mentioned it before, but let me say it again: i hate those damn magnetic car ribbons. seems every car in america is sporting one. not only are they everywhere, they cover every cause imaginable. the other day i saw a rest in peace pope john paul II car ribbon. you can even find hipster causes. where did this fad come from? quite frankly, i wish bad things for the people with said ribbons on their car. mostly i want to ram those fuckers right in the bumper. it is with great restraint that i hold myself back. (good thing too, cause i'm tough)

percent signs make me swoon

2005-10-19T21:23:00.000-05:00

this weekend was "Educator Savings" at the corporate book/music megacorp. i could not have been more pleased, as i have a very official public school badge that does not specify in any way that i am NOT, in fact, a teacher. so in a very devious & naive way, i made various purchases thus receiving monies off things i would probably have never bought had it not been for the enticing discount. in my shopping basket? the new liz phair, fiona apple & franz ferdinand, plus the virgin suicides. (see, i wasn't kidding when i said i was wandering the store looking for things to purchase)

i like the idea that i stuck it to the man-------- AND saved money on nonclearance items.

so freakin' true

2005-10-17T14:02:00.000-05:00

Your Hair Should Be Orange

Expressive, deep, and one of a kind.
You pull off "weird" well - hardly anyone notices.

What's Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

(compliments of poppy)

drunken debauchery

2005-10-10T21:42:00.000-05:00

my saturday night was occupied by a good friend's "bachelorette" party. while the bulk of the party was held at my house, it was chocked full of the required amount of sex talk, "pin the hose on the fireman", laughing, & drinking. and it was thanks to too much fun that i spent the majority of my sunday either puking or sleeping. (today's goal: solid food)

at around midnight the gals decided dancing at the local college bar was a necessity. i'm not much for the bar scene and truly this particular bar is high on my groaner list. still, i felt compelled to follow any and all directions given by the bride-to-be. as usual the bar was full of club music, frat boys, and painted sorority girls with hoop earrings. much to our dismay the dance floor was empty. lucky for me, the bride-to-be didnt force us into dancing- just more drinking. but, one girl felt the uncontrollable need to dance- solo and spotlighted. it was during this club med tribute that she caught the eye of a young ponytailed lad wearing a dark side of the moon tshirt. after she returned to our table, he quickly made the approach and began talking, shamelessly hitting on my dancer friend. ooooh, and he was laying it on thick. after ages were exchanged, he didn't let up with the "i can't believe how young you look, i never thought...." it was priceless. i was taking notes. so, they danced a bit, and after about 5 songs, he realized he was getting no where. he politely excused himself, stating he had to go home. (sidenote: i watched as he exited the bar, and quietly returned, making another "approach" to another group of ladies)

on our stumble back from the bar, we teased the dancer friend about her little boyfriend. "he wasn't hitting on me," she insisted adamantly, "he's clearly gay!" why? "Didn't you see the triangle on his shirt!?!"

3 things i'm ecstatic about--

2005-09-26T21:20:00.000-05:00

(at the moment)

new hockey season
curse words
junior senior's move your feet

meet rupert.

2005-09-23T15:20:00.000-05:00

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrr!

2005-09-19T13:54:00.000-05:00

it's no secret now that i dig on pirates, so imagine my elation to learn that today, sept 19, is "international talk like a pirate day". all thanks to cheesie top 40 radio for keeping me informed. they even provided me with a new joke for the collection:

what kind of socks does a pirate wear?
Arrrrrrgyle!

i got my sweaters in da house

2005-09-18T21:36:00.000-05:00

dinner with the folks saturday evening yielded the discovery of something wonderful. seems my mom was flipping channels on the tv and came across gospelrobics. she reports watching the conclusion, a full 15 minutes, and honestly, i think she even enjoyed it. when questioned further she explained the aerobics instructor yelled out things like "punch that devil out of your life" and "ooo- kick. him. out." while switching from move to move, all the while gospel music pumping in the background. how inspirational. i couldn't wait to get some gospelrobics of my own. thanks to their website, you can get some too.

2005-09-12T22:18:00.000-05:00

this morning i received a text message via my cell. i didn't recognize the number, although it was local. it's a boring monday so i felt compelled to write back. at first i pretended it was some long lost friend wanting to reunite over shopping....... no doubt it was some 16 year old kid.

anonymous hipster: whoz thiz?
me: poster, who is this?
ah: IM POSTER. WHO R U?!
me: i already said.
ah: IM POSTER. WHO R U?!!!
me: already said.
ah: IM POSTER. WHO R U??
me: so, uh, been fun, but i don't recognize this number. scram.

grace and poise

2005-09-08T19:22:00.000-05:00

this morning i opened my eyes to a mere 15 minutes in which to dress and dash off to an early meeting. by the grace of some higher power, i was able to make coffee, wash my hair, and dress just in time to get on down the road. the first 30minutes of my commute were a dream--- traffic parted as i cruised along. at this rate, i'd be early even. then, just 10 minutes away from destination, was a dead-stopped interstate. damn! in a defensive move, i exited the highway, and reconfigured my drive, weaving through the downtown. much to my dismay, this plan did not pan out. i hit every stoplight and, in turn, cursed the remainder of the drive. so now i am late- a good 10 minutes late. i grab the stuff out of my car, and dash inside, all the while trying to appear unscathed & completely nonchalant about my lateness. it was in an attempt to do just that, that my couth will be challenged for months to come.

the principal's laptop projects meeting notes onto an overhead. she sits at the head of the room, leads the meeting, and is a bit intimidating to me. anyway, laptop and accessories leads to cords everywhere and just my luck, no seats on the side of the table without cords turned limbo bar. forced to scale them, i make a brief jump and just almost make it. horror. not only did the laptop and projector suffer consequences from my uncoordination, another meeting member, THE top guy from our board of ed, was splattered with coffee.

i'm sending out my resume'.

i admit it. i'm a collector.

2005-09-01T21:20:00.000-05:00

pirate jokes
rocks
magnets from places i've been
entertaining phrases/adjectives to work into casual conversation
clever little tshirts
fun pens (just to look at though-- not to use)
concert ticket stubs
stickers

if this is what they leave behind...

2005-08-27T23:04:00.000-05:00

recently, i have discovered the benefits of knowing a real estate agent are many. case in point: this past weekend i was shown a million dollar property just introduced to the market. now, this house had many fine features-- an open floor plan, security/intercom system, vista mountain views, and a large plot of private land to name a few-- but it is what has been left inside by its previous owners that became the real interest to me.

in walking through the main level of the house, i was in awe of just how much stuff the prior owners had yet to divvy-up in the divorce. there were things stacked everywhere. various art-- mainly nudes-- graced the walls, antique furniture and stacks of old books were strewn about. upon further investigation, i noticed a couple of the stacks of movies contained a few porns and some of the book shelves-- well, they contained erotica. "oooohh," i remember thinking, "what an embarrassing oversight."

next was the basement-- 3700 square feet so full of clutter that there was only a few narrow pathways in which to walk. exploring, i first i peeked in the tool closet at the bottom of the steps-- amongst other standard tool closet items hung some whips and restraints. "huh" following the path around the basement,i tripped over boxes of records and crystal. next, i came upon a basket full of flavored dental dams and colored condoms. above it hung a watercolor of a dude getting a blowjob.

and then. the motherload: a very full and very shadowy corner of various bondage equipment. i let out an audible "ooooooohh". there was a swing, a couple of tables with appropriately placed holes, multiple cages, "workhorses", and even a gynecological table complete with stirrups. there were things i can still only speculate as to their use.

let me just end with this: that house was something.

howdy

2005-08-21T00:38:00.000-05:00

SO many things to report: saw wedding crashers, uber-cheese that is neil diamond, and legendary arlo guthrie. visited a VERY interesting house. and in a spontaneous move, adopted a new, very fluffy & cute kitten. he joins the household next saturday. i will most definitely subject you to some pictures.

summer is quickly coming to a close. next week the kiddies of the county head back to school, and with that, work picks up severely. bah. but now, it is off to the beach for a short romp. i hope to frolic in the sand. and kick ass in puttputt. seems in order.

2005-08-09T13:15:00.000-05:00

bah! i have no mind for work today. thusly, boycotting it at all costs is my plan. sure, i'll sit at my desk. sure, i'll answer my phone. sure, i'll pretend to listen as people talk to me. but mentally i am out to lunch. these problems will still be around tomorrow-- and next week even-- and perhaps i will attend to them at that time. (perhaps)

anyhow.... this weekend the man and i spent some time verbally creating a line of inappropriate babydoll-girl tee's--- many of which i would never wear (ie. i love vibrators, i kiss girls, bend me over). however, my all-time fav "order me around", i would proudly sport in any public arena. it's multiple layers of meaning holds such truth and wisdom.

furthermore, you should all know that i have been experiencing various technological problems at the homestead and require serious intervention. namely trouble wih tivo (oooh- the horror!) and my ipod/itunes setup. please send back-up!

red state scare

2005-08-07T16:34:00.000-05:00

just last weekend i had the pleasure of spending 4 family-filled days of fun in tennessee. i couldn't be happier to be home again. (i find the south quite humbling.)

i offer up this pictorial summary of my weekend in the red states.

to russell's college friend:

2005-08-03T21:45:00.000-05:00

i'm such a risktaker.

2005-07-27T21:58:00.000-05:00

i just washed a white tank with a load of darks.

that's right, laundering instructions, fuck off!

yea... rrrrrrrrright.

2005-07-21T10:32:00.000-05:00

my horoscope for the day....

Your energy's like a charged battery. And you're cute! You're like a cute battery!

forecasts

2005-07-20T20:58:00.000-05:00

when i was young, i recall a time when my parents took a trip north and i stayed with my grandparents who reside in the opposite direction. over breakfast the local morning news was on tv and i remember glancing up as the national weather map was revealed. written in the north-eastern united states was the word "nice".

needlesstosay i was intrigued at the implications of such a forecast.

so imagine my delight when i am plowing through a series of fark articles and i see the forecast for Perth, Australia in a little box. it features a picture of a sun with a cloud and reads "fine at first".

beautiful.

send medication.

2005-07-18T21:36:00.000-05:00

my side hurts a little bit and has for a while. likely, i pulled something during one of my terribly rigorous & frequent workouts (grrr...i am a brute!). a pulled muscle would certainly make sense. it's not like i hurt bad-- barely noticeable is more like it. even so, i have totally convinced myself that this odd side pain is a symptom of something more serious. in fact, it must be major internal malfunctions-- maybe my kidneys or spleen-- all kinds of things could be going wrong! worse, it happens all the time-- just today a coworker's appendix ruptured. (ack!!) all this and the odd side pain seems to vary in noticeability and intensity depending on how much i focus on it-- which is, of course, always........ it is with this brilliant thought-pattern that my mind eagerly concludes what it has suspected for 27 long years: i am going to die.

knowing this, i must make a simple request: tell me many nice things while you still can. (please) ooooooooh and... send medication. (i think the type required is more than obvious people)

look: even the bear is drinking (how adorable)

2005-07-12T21:48:00.000-05:00

aaahhhhh...... nostalgia!

my tivo season passes

2005-07-11T14:28:00.000-05:00

.................... consider this my confession. i watch some bad tv.

the simpsons
family guy
blow out (that jonathon is a crier)
entourage
the comeback (eh.)
best week ever
the soup
live with regis & kelly
trading spouses (so cheesie)

oh my golly.

2005-07-07T23:56:00.000-05:00

uhhh.. yea.. so a few nights ago, we had a wicked thunderstorm (i was home alone, adding to the trauma) and the telephone line went awry. first the whole plug-unplug routine was attempted without success. then a couple of days passed with no magical, spontaneous solution. and finally the phone company was notified. day four: i am home from work waiting for the repair guy to show within my designated window of time (a 4 hour span of time)......... now i know there are seinfeld episodes devoted to this, but bother! this is lame. i can't believe i am actually using my vacation time for this?

in other news, i was laughed at* by my town tonight in a meeting addressing parking problems. admittedly, my comments were delivered at an inappropriate time (in my defense, i became so enraged that i was never called on that i kept my hand up in spite-- biting me in the ass later), ......... but all that aside, what i said was right on the money. so, anyway, fuck them and fuck this town. i hope your town isn't filled with arrogant, self-absorbed, bastards.........................

plus, i was thinking... isn't a sign that reads "posted no trespassing" a bit redundant?

* maybe "laughed at" is inaccurate but it felt that way

are you mature enough? i dunno....

2005-07-04T20:34:00.000-05:00

..... but seriously, not safe for work people.

i looovve yoouu rrrebecccccaaa!

a dedication....

2005-06-29T21:26:00.000-05:00

for you, reagan's youth (or what was)...............

the diary of an unborn child*

*i totally stole this from the good person over at cancelthat. he is way cooler than me.

i couldn't make this shit up if i tried..

2005-06-27T21:12:00.000-05:00

so today and tomorrow i am attending a two-day "girl's circle training" workshop, along with 50 other human service professionals from all over the state. the purpose? (supposedly) we are learning new skills in facilitating effective gender-specific groups for at-risk teens. of course, a training of this nature includes plenty of the nauseating participation.

imagine: the whole room gets counted off to make smaller groups. i am paired with 3 other strange women and given a discussion worksheet, a "talking stick", and told that we must go at it for one hour, afterwhich we will finally be able to lunch. the whole event is quite a groaner. (i can't believe i am in this field)

at first my group is very reserved-- answering the worksheet questions as "safely" as possible. we share and move on-- progressing thru the curriculum faster than the other small groups. when we reach a close we all sit there silent. candidly one woman asks whether the others think, as a facilitator, that sharing personal experiences enhance girls' learning within a group. i offer up a respectable textbook answer and then one woman decides to weigh in.

"i've been through it growing up, and as a teenager, and all. i mean, i've lived it and i'm not afraid to lay it out on the line. i share my experience with them and bring up things that they aren't gonna talk about. because it should be talked about. because, you know, it might save them from making the mistake. cause there's a lot of misinformation out there and, like, the media says "bigger the dick the better" and some girls, well, we aren't all made for that-- i mean, different dicks fit different vaginas--- no seriously, i mean, this is the stuff that these girls need to hear. there is too much misinformation and it hurts us women. i mean, my husband and i had so many problems when we were married cause of this-- he was just hurting me and i had to learn that that was ok and these girls have to learn that it is ok. we don't all need, you know, a big dick."

i've got to dig up a yearbook

2005-06-22T22:52:00.000-05:00

so a while back one of my work friends mentioned that she was working on a project for her master's program and that this girl, "so-and-so", had been real helpful with information. then she asked if i knew "so-and-so". it was one of those times where the name sounded so very familiar yet i could not begin to place it. generally that means i went to high school with said person (since, you know, i made the conscious decision to block those years out). after searching the internal files, i mustered up some kind of visual on this chick, and nodded in agreement that i thought i knew her.

fast forward to this past weekend. my work friend just graduated with her master's, thusly i was invited to an "open-house" party to celebrate. it just so happens that she is the only work friend i have, so i felt obligated to pop in and say cheers. arriving at her condo-apartment, i noted the multiple cars on the street. needlesstosay, i knew NO ONE there, with the exception of the work friend. it was a bit overwhelming, since everyone else in attendance were so intimately friends that they had invited their parents along. there was even some kids running around. the work friend did her best to introduce me 'round but my presence was soon nothing of consequence to the party-goers.

since it is an open house party, people are coming and going. i begin review proper etiquette for excusing myself-- attempting to decipher the socially acceptable norms of appropriate time spent at a party. imagine my surprise when some girl approaches me with this big smile and exclaims how good it is to see me. she launches into all the necessary small-talk bs. she tells me about her family. she asks where i went to college & inquires as to what i'm doing now. she even has several other updates on people i should know ...... i've never seen this fucking girl in my life!

i ejected from that scene as quickly as possible.........

..

2005-06-21T22:04:00.000-05:00

yea. i quickly realized that no one cared about my office-move. rightly so. it is a boring topic.

ack!

2005-06-15T09:42:00.000-05:00

i've spent most of my morning attempting to put the fix on a jammed stapler. in the process i have broken my scissors and one of my very sexy long nails, plus i inflicted some injury on my front teeth (using your teeth as pliers is never a good idea, i know). all this to no avail--- the stapler is still jammed like it's life depended on it. fucking thing.

anyhow, as you can tell, procrastination is still the order of business around these parts. we visited our new digs yesterday only to discover a mere one eletrical plug, phone jack, and internet line per office. this would be no problem 'cept that i will totally have an office mate, as well as the need for lamps (overhead lights give me the willies) and music. i forsee cords galore! luckily, due to the mates part time work status, i will have an inital go at setting up the office space.

packing tip #2- do not get sidetracked by broken office supplies.

real quick-like

2005-06-13T14:52:00.000-05:00

back from vt and back to work.... it totally sucks *grumble, grumble*... worse, our office is being relocated and we must be packed by thursday. i hate packing. i don't even know where to begin (evidenced here by procrastination). most of me wants to throw everything away and start new, but who's to say what i'll need and what i won't need in the new digs. still, i'm leaning on the side of toss-outs. i can't imagine i'll be crying over tossed items, since i can never find what i need anyway.

well.... the vaca was nice-- relaxing, fun, jazzy, and too short. i swear, the thought of returning to work made me want to cry. maybe if i smoked just a bit more pot, i could have played the no-show game without the consequence of guilt. *sigh*

packing tip #1- do not pack your clock first.

green mountain state love

2005-06-06T10:48:00.000-05:00

this marks my first vacation EVAH in which the laptop became a traveling companion. seems i have some important online business to take care of (which i should totally being doing now) that was not finished prior to leaving town. procrastination has always been my bestest friend, though, and online distractions are where it's at. plus, burlington, vermont is my bitch, and i may just never return home----- thus making the need for completed work null and void.

why a vacation to vermont? seems we are guests of the week-long discover jazz festival (complete with hotel accommodations & show tickets)... although, truly, i see that as a secondary reason for the visit. mostly, i just dig the state-- its green mountains, scenic highways, and liberal thinkers.

to be honest, jazz ain't my bag. i dunno.... i just can't get my head around it or something. don't get me wrong, i completely appreciate it as a form of musical expression. and i understand it's importance in history. but that said, it would not be my first choice for listening pleasure. so, in a way, i am totally getting dragged to these musical performances. and they are a major interuption of my vacation time.

last night was the first of such interuptions, in which the discover jazz big band recreated miles' sketches of spain. totally cool-- even i admit that-- but the lady seated behind me ruined what little enjoyment i got from said performance. by the end, i wanted to turn around & rumble. seems she felt it necessary to talk throughout the entire show, as well as laugh just a little too loud at the conductor's jokes (jokes that really warranted no more than a smirk). sounds shallow of me, i guess, but truly she deserved a knuckle sandwich.

surely you've attended concerts only to be seated by annoying audience members?

2005-06-02T08:25:00.000-05:00

i don't come here much anymore................................. do you?

cruise schmooze

2005-05-27T10:42:00.000-05:00

i'd be lying if i said the cruise was all fun-n-games so let's get this out of the way:
1. there were multiple times during the cruise that i wished i could get the fuck off the boat--- for a variety of reasons including but not limited to being sea sick.
2. the waiters doing the macarena while i ate my buffet lunch was nauseating.
3. most of the fellow vacationers aboard were unattractive, white-trash who insisted on wearing their bikinis throughout the entire ship. (plus the guy in the cabin across from us was surely a pedophile)
4. the number of cheesie activities going on both day and night was remarkable.
5. certainly i would have loved more time on the islands to do some real exploring.

but. yea. the cruise was good. overall, real good. we had fun. our room was upgraded to a room with a balcony (making it even easier to flash each of the ports). the weather, for the most part, held up-- a little rain but not too hot. the islands were fun-- beautiful clear blue water and white sand. aboard the ship, we participated in a large variety of activities. we played bingo. we drank (a lot). we danced at "da club." we watched a "las-vegas style show" (groan). we saw a comedian (not funny). we got spa treatments (mm). we lounged in the sun. we attended every event with free drinks. we ate (a lot). we even watched some ridiculous karokee. we met some interesting people (i made a friend).......... and i, of course, sat on the casino tables, playing "caribbean stud poker" (how could i resist?). it was a good time.

unfortunately i have returned to the states exhausted, broke, and sick. *sigh* i am ready for another vacation. (luckily i'm off to vermont in just a week's time)

2005-05-23T13:25:00.000-05:00

back jack

remember me?

2005-05-10T17:06:00.000-05:00

ok. so i've been busy. that's all. very busy. these days have been all about work, cruise preparation (read: shopping), and recommiting to the gym. plus it's all spring-y out and my interest in sedentary activities has been severely curbed.

cruise countdown: 5 days!
seriously, i've been buying like mad. you'd think there was some kind of "new-clothes-only" rule the way i've been shopping. i'll have to reevaluate purchases and make a few returns. the scary thing is, i am still in need of several crucial items (the most crucial: a swimsuit).... mostly i am just excited to be almost on vacation!!!!

work schmork!
couldn't be busier and crazier. this week alone, i've dealt with homelessness, domestic violence, and 2 teenage pregnancies. and it's tuesday. 'nuff said.

Hitchhiker's
i can't say i liked it. that'd be a lie..... (not that i hated it).... i dunno.... i have such nostaglia wrapped around this tale.... i'm not sure i was ready. or something. i'll give it one more try. promise.

Treat Your Mother Right!

2005-05-04T19:02:00.000-05:00

just in time for mom's day-- I give you this advice, straight from mr. t.

why does asparagus make your pee smell funny?

2005-04-28T10:22:00.000-05:00

i have absolutely no mind for work this week. ssshh.. don't tell but i have been leaving work early and scheduling myself some low-priority client transporting instead of taking care of the important business. i'm like george with a facade of busy-ness. the way i see it, all that work will still be around tomorrow-- or more accurately next week. ho-hum.

mod podge

2005-04-25T18:36:00.000-05:00

i thought it'd be a cute idea to put a "countdown til cruise" tag on this here page, then i realized that required work. and lately i am too lazy for posting, let alone extras. screw it. it matters so little anyway...... but take this as a reminder: 19 days til the Caribbean via a massively-gaudy ship. yee-haw! (someone take me to atlantic city and show me the ropes, damnit! i must make the tables my bitch aboard ss.funtimes)

now. about the kitten. he has grown, of course (growth in the wee ones is inevitable). he's still cute as a sack full of puppies. and quite tenacious. annoyingly though, he has a bedtime habit i can not bare. seems he loves the legs/feet experience when you are in bed under the covers. he climbs on top and does what has been deemed as "the back-foot shuffle" complete with some biting --- and raw instinct. to me, the whole dance seems like a precursor to the hump and it makes me cringe. also it keeps me awake and thus grouchy.

ps. don't get me wrong. i have every intention on viewing h2g2. it just all looks a little PG to me.. nevertheless i'll be first ---eh-em second or third--- in line on friday. watch out hump day movie series!

2005-04-22T17:20:00.000-05:00

you know, i find myself squirming with excitement over the new h2g2..................................... but then i remember: it's going to suck.

*shrugs* i still plan to view on opening night... (in fact, is there a midnight showing?)

fluffy grass and ladies

2005-04-17T22:32:00.000-05:00

ok. apparently a weekend was just what the doctor ordered. the grumpy pants came off post-work on friday. weekend kickoff was a little outback steakhouse, where when the host asked if we had dined at outback before, i responded with "outback is my bitch". then it was on to borders where i was surprised to find a "25% off for educators" sale. now i am no educator, but i do sport a public school badge. let me say, it felt so good to misrepresent and save money. i highly recommend it. (shopping bag: new beck, built to spill, and mogwai)

saturday afternoon was "the big sandwich"-- a tradition (competition, even) amongst old friends; a coming together of sorts whilst shopping for, building, and then consuming a large overstuffed sandwich. it's good stuff.

then today... worked in the yard. fought the local nursery's crowds and bought 2, count 'em: 2, trees for the now naked yard. (just had to fill in where things were chopped down) only got a lil' section of yard cleaned out and just 1 tree planted, but hey, i'm happy with that. and let me just say, that lil' corner looks delightful. added bonus: i did not get poison ivy. fuckin' a!

uuhh... i need a smile.

2005-04-15T10:20:00.000-05:00

i've got my grumpy pants on today. don't know exactly why, but this sad fact couldn't be more accurate. despite the nice weather, despite the upcoming weekend, despite the fact that i have lost almost 20lbs in just over one month, i am fucking grouchy.

.... yesterday the yard experienced major tree and shrub removal. all things said, i am glad to have cleared the yard of various overgrown/dead items, but damnit, there is alot of work to be done! i can't express how abso-fucking-lutely overwhelmed i am. worse, the tree peps found termites......... and let's not even talk about the INside of the ol' house. it is a disaster area too. can't i just move? or at least run away?!

in other overhaul news, took my car in for some work today and just got a call with repair recommendations. looks like i will be spending upwards of $1000 before this day is out. shit!

so... work sucks and all that garbage....

somebody tell me something good.

ode to the weekend past

2005-04-10T18:58:00.000-05:00

axewound!*

*naughty hedgehogs don't necessarily make good friends of monday coworkers

you betta check yourself before you wreck yourself

2005-04-08T13:58:00.000-05:00

i'm such a hypochondriac it ain't funny. after reading mere pages out of a medical journal the other night i am convinced i have multiple life-threatening ailments. seems only fitting that i should complete this death clock prediction to see if it is at all true. for those interested, i will apparently meet my demise in 2055 on the 21st day of march. i'm just glad to see i am going to make it out of this month.*sigh* (do be a dear and leave your death date below. i'll be sure you get a funeral invite if you're still around when i kack)

too busy for a proper post...

2005-04-07T11:24:00.000-05:00

work and such sucking up my time and my thought process.... no time for extraneous items. barely been keeping up with meals this week. meh.

just found out that i, along with the other 3 people in my program, no longer have an office space. seems the boe (board of ed) has found use for this dungeon suite of offices and we must scoot. no word yet on the move-out date but all signs point to june 1. where will i find refuge? who the hell knows. i've decided not to care. this space is less than desireable when you factor in the funeral home across the street, the terrible parking situation due to ongoing street construction, and the lack of privacy. so basically anywhere i am placed will suit me fine--- granted i am supplied a computer and desk phone (which, because of grant funding, is entirely questionable).

anyway. whatever...... saw tori amos last night at a fairly intimate little theater in the heart of dc. *sigh* very nice indeed, despite having to surrender my cell phone at the door bc of it's picture taking capability. who says technology isn't inconvienent?!

the weather is nice though

2005-04-04T19:52:00.000-05:00

geeesh, this spring weather has everybody all frisky. today the workmen who have been making a mess of the road in front of my office gawked at me. there i was innocently driving along, mourning the parking places they have robbed from me, windows down so maximum road-dust could fill my car, and i was "whoot"-ed at by serveral men. one even yelled down the street at me, telling me to turn my car around so he could tell me something. mutiple levels of hilarity here, aside from the fact that these workmen have probably seen me a thousand times without incident.... beautiful.

golly, she's cute

2005-04-01T15:18:00.000-05:00

this afternoon i was talking with one of my favorite kindergarteners. the girl and i were discussing the past holiday of easter and how today is april fool's day. she got real quiet for a minute and asked, "when is it forehead friday?" i tried to explain that i had never heard of "forehead friday" but she wasn't having it. i asked her what "forehead friday" entailed and she explained, "it's the day when you slap people on their foreheads and then you laugh and say 'happy forehead friday!'"

hysterical! i dunno about you guys, but i like this holiday a hundred times more than april fool's day.

..20 selected cities/towns..

2005-03-30T23:52:00.000-05:00

find your top spots

Medford, Oregon
Milwaukie, Oregon
Fayetteville, Arkansas
Frederick, Maryland
Albuquerque, New Mexico
Charleston, West Virginia
Salem, Oregon
Ashland, Oregon
Elkins, West Virginia
Northampton, Massachusetts
Middlebury, Vermont
Hot Springs-Hot Springs Village, Arkansas
Gardnerville-Minden, Nevada
Brattleboro, Vermont
Burlington, Vermont
Fort Atkinson, Wisconsin
Amherst, Massachusetts
Eureka Springs, Arkansas
Portland, Oregon
Silver City, New Mexico
Williamstown, Massachusetts
Carson City, Nevada
Morgantown, West Virginia
Kankakee, Illinois

file under: i am such a girl!

2005-03-28T17:32:00.000-05:00

on my way down to visit the extended fam, i had quite the automotive crisis. made me think of dug's car alarm mishap. although my story, not as comical. let me explain...

about 2 years ago, my car was broken into right in front of my house. i walked out on a nice spring saturday morning and noticed the back window was busted out. my house is located across the street from the college baseball field, i remember thinking, "damn those baseball players!" as i unlocked my door and got in, i realized that the whole dash had been raped! my stereo system was gone. glass was everywhere. my car had been violated-- right in front of my house!! needlesstosay, i was hopping mad.

all this thievery led me to install a security system in my car. (yea, i know, this really is not an adequate deterrent) while i despise the "beep, beep" sound associated with turning it on (in this little hippy town, people really look down on you when they hear that), it does have it's advantages. mostly, the ability to lock & unlock the car doors with the remote.

anyhow, my car alarm has several "features". first, it is the type that turns itself on automatically once the driver exits the car. (now this does not lock the doors, mind you) secondly, once the alarm is engaged (read: blaring), you can not start the car. this leads me to the incident....

i stopped along the drive to tennessee to get some lunch. after getting out of the car, my remote would not work to lock the doors and set the alarm, but the alarm set itself, so i didn't think much of it. food was consumed. i returned to my car. the remote still would not work, thus i was unable to turn the alarm off. knowing that once i opened the car doors, the alarm would begin blaring and not allow me to start my car, i began to panic. i called everyone i could think of for assistance. i even flagged down a couple of guys in a tricked-out honda civic in hopes that they knew something about cars. nothing. i cursed myself for not reading the security system's manual. i cursed myself for never putting said manual in my car to be accessed on such an occasion. i cursed myself for being a girl. miles away from my destination and miles away from home, standing in a parking lot, i was really freaked the fuck out!

after what seemed like hours-- probably only 15minutes-- my friend Terry saved my day via phone. luckily he was able to-- with alarm sounding-- talk me through the manual disengage process. i could then start my car. *pphheeeeww*..... and those honda civic boys, they had directed me towards a local stereo shop where i purchased a new battery remote. i continued on my journey unscathed (mostly).

and speaking of the south..........

2005-03-27T22:52:00.000-05:00

are you a yankee or a dixie? apparently i am 76% Dixie. i'm on board with that analysis-- you should hear my accent change when i'm south of VA. it is laughable.

aaaaaahh, home again, home again.

2005-03-25T17:54:00.000-05:00

ok, suckas. i'm back jack. have been tennessee-bound all week, letting the extended fam devour almost all of my beloved spring break. it's been an exhausting time--- dealing with the old, the infirmed, and the unbalanced--- although i will, apparently, live to see another day. *sigh*

certainly all families can be burdensome but mine takes indecision to a whole new level. in typical fashion, we spent more time deciding the where/when/what of planned activities than we did actually doing them..... and whilst we were amidst one activity everyone was collectively talking about how we had no time to do the next thing. it was remarkable. i felt like one giant timepiece.

i should, however, be able to come up with some great family tales to illustrate my week, but, at the moment, i am mostly braindead. (all that highway driving can really fuck with your head)......... i'll have a think and get back to you. meanwhile, happy weekend.

2005-03-20T23:14:00.000-05:00

so i'm driving down the road this weekend and i pass this truck. as i glance over, he flashes this sign: "read my plate" at me. i glanced in my rear view. his plate read "flash me". pure genius. kinda made me want to obey..... then i remembered that i am a nice girl.

in other news, my bro's friends were totally on that dumb tlc show what not to wear this weekend. sadly they were not chosen as the worst dressed couple in america but, gosh, they are still winners in my book.

happy st. patty's day

2005-03-17T21:58:00.000-05:00

golly, it's been a while. i've been completely swamped doing nothing-- nothing exciting at least. mostly i've been working-- my case load has increased ten-fold over the past two weeks and i am barely keeping it together. (aaaahh yes, nothing like an on-the-edge social worker) sidenote: speaking of on-the-edge, i attended a seminar on anxiety disorders today and left realizing what a sick fuck i truly am. my life story could have been the case study. i need therapy.

anyhow, next week is spring break so relief is in site. i am tickled pink to have some days off--- although i will be spending a great majority of them with the extended fam down in tennessee. *sigh* i guess, a break from work doesn't necessarily mean a break from stress.

quick anecdote: i have recently begun working with this spanish speaking woman and her daughter. in order to communicate we have been using a co-worker as a translator and frustration has ensued. the other day we were meeting and i asked the translator to ask her a question. she proceeded to rattle on & on for what seemed like an eternity. my translator turns to me and says-- in true Lost in Translation fashion-- she says yes.

ps. anyone want to go to a gem & mineral show this saturday? i need a rock companion. anyone?! anyone?!

Baby Got Book

2005-03-14T22:02:00.000-05:00

oh my goodness, becky, look at her bible
it is SO big
she looks like one of those preacher guys girlfriends.......

sir mix a lot has nothing on this christian solider.

First name mister, middle name period, last name T.

2005-03-10T23:58:00.000-05:00

my car has been begging me for one of these babies....

i hate it when..... (work edition)

2005-03-09T11:01:00.000-05:00

....... i can't remember what i need to get accomplished for work (granted, i have a fucking TON of things to do, i am just completely braindead as to what those tasks are).

....... my work phone's telephone cord keeps getting all tangled up (despite daily attempts to uncurl it).

....... i accidentally schedule two meetings at the same time (i need a personal assistant).

....... no one i need to talk to answers their phone.

....... there is no parking near my office.

....... client's call my cell phone before trying my office phone.

a.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2005-03-03T21:52:00.000-05:00

calling the man at his jobplace requires me to listen to the company's resonant intro and then type in his extension. these days, i am funneled not to his desk, but rather to a multitude of other employee's phones. *groan* how can this be good for business, i ask, how? mostly it is annoying to me. i never know who is going to pick up the phone and as you can imagine, nothing but awkward conversation ensues. take the following conversation:

the man's supervisor: this is "so and so"
me: oohh.... gosh... i'm sorry. this is "so and so", calling "the man"--- i really did punch in his extension. (in the past i have been accused of not being able to properly work the phone)
the man's supervisor: groan.. *long pause*.. i can't believe this is still happening.
me: i know. it is annoying. you guys need to get these phones fixed.
the man's supervisor: *silence*
me: *uneasy pause* well...
the man's supervisor: so... *more uneasy pausing*... how are you? what's been going on?
me: uh.. not much. did you enjoy some time off with the snow? (i know, i know, i am bad at small talk)
the man's supervisor: it was good. my girlfriend from overseas has been visiting and she had to study for an exam. i had to try to keep myself busy working while she studied.
me: oooohh.... yes...
the man's supervisor: well...... we did take a couple of breaks, you know, and enjoyed an afternoon escapade-- of course! *chuckle* i mean... you know.
me: oh... yes.. *uneasy silence* well, that's nice...... uhh. can you transfer me?

it doesn't feel like hump day

2005-03-02T15:44:00.000-05:00

after all these snow days, it is next to impossible for me to get back in the swing of work. i certainly wish someone would pay me for doing nothing (especially since that is about all i am good at).

this past weekend me and my furry boots (that no one likes except me) viewed the gates once more. it was amusing to see all the people in the park with their "saffron" scarves, sweaters, etc. seems my friend darren wore his jacket with an orange-ish stripe down the arms causing me to refer to him as "team christo" all day. ha.

yeah..... i got nothing. many apologies.. at least lost is on tonight.

weekend in jersey soundtrack

2005-02-28T17:06:00.000-05:00

vodoo lady. ween
caring is creepy. the shins
night moves. bob seager
maggie may. rod stewart
big pimpin'. jay z
the reflex. duran duran
kielbasa. tenacious d
classy plastic lumber. modest mouse
company in my back. wilco
goodbye yellow brick road. elton john

very un-interesting.

2005-02-24T23:42:00.000-05:00

well, somehow or another, despite all the double-talk and contradictory statements, the weathermen were right. we did infact get alot of snow (alot is certainly a relative term and not to be read as an exact measurement). it's snowing still even. my fingers are crossed that we will have another day off (i love working for the school system)-- which will be a real bonus for me. having the day off means i get on the road afternoon-ish for my nyc re-visit. this time i'll be in the big apple with the best friend and her bro-ski. i'm looking forward to another weekend away and i'm determined not to let the snow slow me down. plus the friend is straight jersey-style and quite amusing.

so i've been happily eating thin mints all week -- thanks to a random girl scout cookie stand -- and i've been quite pleased. there's something magical in those cookies. it's sad to think i have almost eaten them up. *sigh* i must find more girl scouts real quick-like.

well.... gosh.. happy weekend.

alright. real quick cause it's bedtime.

2005-02-23T00:32:00.000-05:00

i was in nyc this past weekend-- visiting the gates, chelsea galleries, times square... you know the usual tourist-y stuff-- and what good stuff it was. i had a right enjoyable time walking 'round, taking in the sites. add in the ooh-so-furry boots and the TRACHTENBURG FAMILY SLIDESHOW PLAYERS show. no complaints.

also of note in my world, tori's new album is out. i am so pleased. it is already in my ipod.

2005-02-21T16:57:00.000-05:00

fuck yea

various

2005-02-15T15:22:00.000-05:00

well, i certainly hope everyone had a delightful v-day. it is amazing to me how such a dumb holiday can really bring a person down. i mean, really, a holiday that serves as a reminder to singles that they are in fact single is quite disgraceful. to that end, the man and i do as little as possible to celebrate this lamest of days, but i'd be lying if i said i didn't enjoy the usual flower routine. i'm a girl, you see, and i am a sucka for the flowers. this year i was blessed with a combo of my all-time favs (purple irises and red tulips). very nice, indeed.

other things:
-seems i have found myself enthralled with yet another television melodrama. fox's 24 has become a new addition to my "tivo season pass". that said, i have not watched last night's episode so please no spoilers.
-tip: when plucking your eyebrows, beware of the magnifying mirror. i made the flip from 3x to regular and i was just a few plucks away from freak-city. close call.
-people keep telling me that my hair is not as red as usual. umm.... ok?! i'm not really sure what they expect me to say to this. i'd like to come up with a witty response, so i will happily accept suggestions.
-i am so far behind in paperwork that i should just resign. work blows.
-i have eaten way too many heart-shaped chocolates.